Yesterday was a day where the world was too much for me too bear. My emotional weather forecast was predicting a black out if I did not take proper precautions.
I was hanging on by a thread to coax out of the darkness the essence of my Self as I felt it receding deeper and further from my grasp. I laid low and allow for a recharging away from the world. My life has me constantly (too much these days) on the front lines battling to keep everything going the right way, restoring confidence, resolving issues and making decisions to drive to good resolution. Sometimes I get scared by the fact that I lose my ability to feel - feel anything - left feeling like a black and white sketch on the back of a used cocktail napkin.
My Guy was saying the other day that it seems I need a change, a big change, but how? The doors I want to walk through are locked until I lose the weight of my debts and responsibilities. Honestly I feel like telling my boys to really stay away from the cultural norm and do not chase the career, the big house, new cars, family. Buy only what you can afford in your pocket and just live every single day for yourself. I was taught that we derive personal satisfaction from a successful career which leads to living a fulfilling life. I can not help but wonder, do you think people are happy? We are a fat nation in significant personal debt...not really in the top 5 Happiness awareness signs.
What if it is all a scam? Really if everyone kind of stopped working as much and living on less and wanting less - our economy would fail. What if lived in modest homes or apartments, cooked our meals with actual food, did not buy a new car or a new toy every year? What if we worked only 40 hours (god forbid less) a week and put the rest of the time towards ourselves and our own passions? Would we be just as unhappy because we would long for all the things (Stuff White People like) we have now?
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