changed several times since then

Writing this blog reminds me of how I always wanted to write my own book.  I lack the creativity to come up with a unique story - given my dream last night that does not exactly ring true - so I had contemplated writing my life story.  I have had some pretty crazy shit happen to me in my life and friends have always said it is "book worthy".   I actually tried once and realized that I do not really expound or draw out the characters or incidents so the last 40 years could be thrown into 20 pages...not quite a novel.  I just recant the events and do not really understand how to build the story so it would be a boring short novelette at best.

The other problem is that I am not sure how much of it is true anymore.  I mean it is true to me and how I remember it, but I do not have many ties to my past at all and these things just live in my head without someone double checking the facts.  I do not want to end up as another  Oprah scandal (there were two I guess)  having people come out of the woodwork to "set the facts straight".  What I learned from those events is that I would never write a memoir only fiction.  It is not that I would be trying to rewrite history or lie or even exaggerate the truth, but really I barely remember some things in my life so how can I trust what I do remember?

So I met my biological dad and one of the things he likes to say (given the 2 times we have met) that we are who we are despite what we have been through in our life.  He is also big on our genetic curse to have a fucked up life which is an interesting take....biologically I have been destined for crazy.  Hmmm.  If we barely remember or do not even remember it correctly, are we really just our own mental creation?   If we all respond differently to the same event ....that whole thing that 3 people experiencing the same thing can come out with totally different experiences...then it is just kind of a mind screw for me on who were are in reaction to our experiences.  Makes me wonder if a memoir ever be completely true?

The other blocker for me is who really cares?  Ironically the blog is bridging that gap for me to some degree.  Although a book is different because you actually want people to read it.  I type out these words and move on with my day and it doesn't matter if I am the only one who reads this.  With blogs and facebook and twitter - do memoirs even make sense anymore?  If you have not done something important or impactful (which I just learned is not a real word) who wants to sit and read about some random person's whole life?  I get my daily installments of all my friends lives with all the social media....maybe a novel is just old school.