I am angry and hurt and disappointed with myself and I do nothing but moan and groan about it rather than actually changing my life. I am dropping balls left and right and just want to curl up and remove myself from the entire thing. Is it possible that stress can cause this? I am such a baby, everyone has stress - everyone and I have to stop pretending that I am in some terrible WWII concentration camp and own my life, my self. The battle is that I do not believe that I can do it any of it. I could not stop drinking for 30 days. I could never live some crazy vegan-gluten free diet for 30 days. I can't even finish 30 days of P90x forget the whole 90. I could not run 6 days a week. I am not really a runner that is going to get any stronger or faster. I will never run a marathon. I will not be able to ever swim in open water. A triathlon is a total joke. I will not lose the fat and will continue to yo-yo between gross and barely acceptable. I will never be in control of all the details in my life. I will not do what is necessary of me at work or at home or for myself. I will not be successful at work. I will screw absolutely everything up. It will all come crashing down on me sooner or later. I will not be loved in the end.
I think we have all had Friday mornings like this; deadlines are here, but completion is not. It sounds like something is going on at work that is not quite ready to be done (yet, it must be done, so it will?). That is a pretty heavy load and I wouldn't be surprised if it has over-consumed you. And there are four attempts at doing something, that fell through. All are difficult undertakings, and I can say, I DONT KNOW ANYONE THAT CAN DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS. Seriously. Perhaps, you are setting the bar too impossible. Mathmatically, what if one "performed better than last week?" (without hidden agendas) and tried to maintain that goal. And perhaps "redefine" some terms that are overly-confining. I think a day should be 48 hours long - exactly 12 hours before and up to 12 hours after the actual start and close of the day. That definition makes meeting your 'daily requirement' a little easier to achieve. One thing I have learned, is that falling off the wagon is normal. Build a fall off the wagon into the expectations you have for yourself. When you have 30 days of vegan-gluten conscious eating, expect that once a week you get pepperoni pizza and beer. And if it doesn't happen every week, it is hardly a reason to celebrate, just be aware that something may be up.
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