There are moments that I wish I could remember everything I thought it my head could pour on to these pages.  It is weird how easy it is to think and feel inside my head but once faced with a blank page it all drips away and I am left feel lost in what I wanted to write.   The words in written form are forgein to my thought process and I cannot seem to capture and hold them.  I feel like there are pages and pages of thoughts, ideas, stories, dilemmas and more all stuck inside me that I cannot make peace with turning them from the thought to the written word.

I struggle to try to piece it together and remember I wanted to write about there are fragments of how removed I feel and once again feel broken and I am not sure how to reset myself.  I remember suddenly thinking about the book Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus book and how ridiculous it is that we needed a book to say men and women think different.  I am glad they made tons of money but did it really revolutionize our lives.  I find it shocking that we really needed a book to explain that or that it was believed that all woman and men think the same and if they do - does it really help?  Knowing Italian is a different language does not always mean I understand what the hell they are saying.  I remember something about someone going in a cave - I will admit I just read the wikipedia article because all I could remember is the cave.  I think I relate to that concept the best and I do not really understand "the wave" at all.

I think it is the labour of writing that gets into my way.  The words and sentence structure and clarity really feel like barriers to the point the ability to get it out.  I know if I can not make it clear in the written word the idea in my head is mutated and different than where it was living in my head.  Maybe it is the reality of the words from the voice to the page that make me realize that it does not make sense and is just my own self mental masturbation.   I do wish sometimes I could get it out but the more I think about it the harder it is.  They say that you should write first thing in the morning, maybe the filter and wall is weaker and scalable when your still half asleep.

A little music for the evening....while I go do my prescribed Ab Ripper