Day 3 thoughts...

Another day drips by and I think about food, diet and exercise all the time. I really want a nap and need to go grocery shopping but that sounds this side of hell. I am going to set a time of 4:30 to go, so I can make sure I have dinner ready when my boy gets home. I hope the tired clears soon because each day feels like an eternity especially from 1- 4 pm - those are terrible hours.

I got all my numbers from my Precision Nutrition months so I could see how my weight fluctuated between January (166.5) and my weight now (161.5) and I was really disappointed to see I made it all the way down to 153 in May. I could have made my goals and I could have been in a completely different If I had kept going.  I would have done better in the Marathon and I could wear all the clothes in my closet rather than being forced into 2 or 3 outfits.  I would feel better and be more proud of myself something I could really use right now.  I am really glad that I caught myself because I surely would have gone past my 166.5 and kept heading up and up. I was out of control - wow like how I used past tense like i have this thing all nailed down - barely 15 minutes of Ab Ripper last night and now I am all "past tense" with my lack of motivation.

I keep reading about these amazing women who at 40 and 50 that are doing their first triathlon and coming in 1st place.  I know these are extreme women that are in amazing shape and I really want to be that kind of woman - but I just do not want to do the work.  I want to be one of those people that define myself as athletic, driven and committed but I am so tired and do not have a drop of energy.  I am not sure that is the cleanse because I have felt like this - well it seems like forever.  I wonder if everything is out of me (chemicals and toxins and all that crappy stuff) will I really feel better?  If so, I hope I stick with it or at least figure out what it is impacting me so much.  Precision Nutrition said the most important thing is that you are not seeing yourself as cheating because you want to do what you are doing and you do not "cheat" when you are on the right path that you believe in.  You only cheat when you are doing something against your nature and you want a "peek" back into your other life.

I really do want to commit to the entire 30 days of this cleanse.  I keep telling myself that so I do not forget that I want to do this.  I want to be this person and that it is not torture but a choice to get me where I want to be.  Maybe if you say it enough....it will be true...and the fact I want a donut, glass of wine (or bottle) and ice cream pie right now will fade.  It is not work the weight or the fat or the physical impact - just reminding myself.