The run itself is also amazing. The first 4 miles are always very hard for me as I generally havent run in -forever- since the run and getting my body into the motion is hard and exhausting. Just as I start to question my ability to do it at all, I hit some sort of stride. It is a slow (and I mean slow) run that I start to sink into and let all the other noise in my head disappear. I had read about where I could drop out and who I would go to to get taken to the finish line, just in case I needed it and I was ok and completely in the game until the half-marathon point. At that point I had watched several drop out in front of me, I was passed by a blindfolded guy, and then a real blind guy, young, old, fat and thin...all passing me by. I learned the good thing about a 45,000 person marathon - it takes a long time for everyone to pass you and there is several hundreds (thousands?) slower than me. I was able to walk/jog from mile 15 to about mile 20 where I really wanted it to just end. At 22 I did not see how I was going to keep going my feet hurt, my body felt done, even my fancy watch battery had died unable to sustain for that long. I kept going thinking that 4 more miles I could do and there was no way I could quit that close. About mile 23 police in cars were telling us to either run a 14 min pace or get on the sidewalk so I kept trying to run. At this point I was terrified that I would do all this and they would have closed the finish and I would not be consider a finisher. 6 hours of struggling and it wouldn't count - but could I blame them..I should have trained. There were people behind me...just in case you were curious.
I get a little insane in my brain when I hit this breaking point of my spirit. I am some where between sobbing (literally) and angry and determined. I was mad my watch was dead, I was mad at myself for not training and I was mentally begging My Guy to realize that I needed him and he would come find me and help me finish. I knew I had to finish because I had come to far at this point. I have been working on how to handle myself when I get this broken because I do not always respond to My Guy well when I have been stuck in this mental cycle of hell. I remind myself that this is just me breaking down and I have to keep my perspective on the bigger picture.I did it though. I took a chocolate donut hole from some incredible person at mile 23 and I kept running (if you could call it that) and walking until I got to the very end. The end was terrible because you were not done. All I wanted to do was just sit down and yet I had to walk for what seemed for ever to find My Guy and his mother. I was angry every step wishing that they had found me and I could stop walking but I realized in my sane brain that it would be hard to find each other and there must be a reason. I finally found them and the first thing I asked him (I had actually practiced this so I wouldn't forget) is how did you do? My guy had a horrible experience getting injured at 11 miles and still obviously struggling in significant pain. We hobbled back to the hotel (via taxi), showered and laid down and just felt our bodies quiver in pain.
We got massages that I actually think saved our lives and then drove for like 15 hours home. Some of my first words were "please do not make me do that again" but on the ride home we had already figured out we could Hyannis in February to redeem ourselves for having such a tough one in Chicago. I realized that if I could only commit to running 3 times a week (5 miles) and 1 long run I could do so much better. I have a goal of under 5 hours - ridiculous for some but for me that would be amazing.
More about those goals, making a transition of my life style, the crazy cleanse ....later.
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