Bad, Ugly and Hellish

So it has been a terrible few days for several reasons but I will start with the bad, then the ugly and move to the straight out hellish!  I have managed to gain every single pound back and spent the weekend eating without abandon.  I forgot all about clean food or eating the right calories or type of food and just went straight out and ate whatever the hell I wanted.  In addition to food gluttony, the ugly is the amount of alcohol that I consumed in the last few days have been "impressive" if that is the type of thing you are going for but not really my end game.   The hellish is the insane amount of pain I was in since three this morning and am still struggling with tonight due to a raging stomach and headache.

I went to the doctor today for several reasons 1) mammogram I had to get checked out again since I boycotted my biopsy 11 months ago and pissed off my doctor royally.  Turns out it was all ok and nothing has change so it was a big hub-bub over nothing.   If you have never had you boobs smashed and stretched by a complete stranger, you cannot understand the ugh-i-ness of a mammogram.  It is all for the better good I know but it sucks.  I am now on a six month rotation to ensure my calcifications are not anything evil. 

 2) My arches kill when I run and I wanted a referral to see a foot guy that could tell me if I needed different arch support for my shoes.  Referral accomplished!  

3) My hands are killing me - my thumbs specifically.  I have a natural grandmother with hands narled by arthritis and so this had me a little afraid but I figured it was carpal tunnel.  It turns out the one that hurts the most is showing signs of mild CMC joint degenerative changes with sclerosis and mild osseous proliferation.  I tried my usual method of self-diagnoses through google but it turns out it is not an easy thing to dumb down so I am waiting to hear from my doctor if that really matters and more important - how do I fix it?  This of coarse scares the living hell out of me....my hands really hurt and I am losing the ability to grip things without a lot of pain.   Ugh.

4) Since I was there and suffering from a terrible stomach ache - I braved up and asked her what could be going on and what was the best remedy when in this state. She guessed it was acid reflux or more likely gastritus.  Her first statement to me was to cut out alcohol and caffeine.  I am not a big caffeine person but see above about alcohol.  She said I needed to stop drinking and I looked at her and said forever?  She asked if that would be a problem and I felt pretty small at that point because in my mind I was screaming YES YES that would be a problem. The goal as she explained it is to stop drinking until my stomach lining truly heals and even then a limited amount.  I wanted the cleanse to be a cleanse not a lifestyle.  If I was going to be honest, I felt better (minus not having much energy) while on the cleanse.  I slept all night and did not wake up at my traditional 3 or 4 am and I never had a stomach ache and the gas/bloating discomfort definitely subsided.  Was it really just the alcohol or are there other things that my body is reacting to?  Why am I reacting now more than before?  Whatever it is TODAY sucked.  I am so uncomfortable, burning stomach and i just want to put food into my stomach to try to get it to stop feeling like a bubbling caldron of acid.

So reflecting on what today taught me from a medical perspective.  My body starting the process to break down and be a hinderance to my life.  Struggling to understand how I feel about all this but it really kind of sucks.  I am only 43 and overall I am ok, nothing life threatening....just life dampening.  Boo.