Ramblings from a plane

One thing I have noticed that is that my mind feels clearer and I am not feeling the stress as emotionally as I was feeling it before the cleanse.   The stress is still there and I impacted it but it does not feel like such a deathblow to my emotions.  It may also be that I have spent so much time in this mode that I have started to become a little bit immune to it all.

I am realizing that I am not sure how I spend all my free time.  TV has become harder to tolerate.  I spend an enormous amount of time just surfing the web but not with any real value.  Wandering around the internets has perhaps killed a little of my creativity and desire to do other things.  I know it slows down my book reading and it eats a tremendous amount of time. 

A typical night is TV in the background and me on the computer wandering around Reddit or all my RSS feeds.  It is not a complete waste because I somewhat enjoy it and it is a way to get completely disengaged from everything.  I do not really impact anything, learn anything …use my mind or am I just underrating the surfing.    I do learn and think but to what end?  It is just random and unfocused and unsustainable. 

It is really cold at home so I am really terrified about my consternation about continuing to run outside.  If I think of my plan, I have made it easy for myself.  I want to run in the morning 2 days during the week (5 miles) and then one weekend run that is longer but minimum of 5.  That would give me a 15-20 min mile a week for 15 weeks before the marathon.  This should be a really nice base for me to not knock the socks off the marathon but to do a decent showing.  I want to get to a 4 hour marathon, even if it is 4:59:59 but for the next one I will take a 5 hour marathon – remember I did a 6:30 marathon before so I am talking about a pretty dramatic increase. 

I want to do swimming 2 days a week as well.  I am trying to figure out if I can commit to doing it after work.  What I would like to do is right after work 2 nights stop by and practice swimming (I guess you call it a work out) for an hour.  I would also want to add a weekend swim but that is more optional as long as I do it during the week.  At least for a while – I may need to do it three times a week to really prepare for a triathlon. 

The other piece is weight lifting.  I have heard at my age that weight lifting is really good for bone density and generally you need that strength to do better at running and swimming.   The good news is I can do that at night at home or in the morning and do not have to fight the cold – so it should be easier to commit to being consistant. 

The real issue is I HATE GETTING OUT OF BED.  The idea of getting out of bed to go in the cold world to run or even down stairs to lift weights and swimming sounds like a horrible idea especially when laying in the nice cozy bed with the pup and my guy.   I guess it is a lot like this whole vegan gluten cleanse thing.  I just have to decide to do it and not treat it as a choice every morning.  As long as I leave it as an option I will always decide not to do it.  It is always easier to say no to a hard choice than just do what you have to do.

I know it sounds crazy but I am actually really digging the way I feel on this cleanse and am not sure how I am going to incorporate this back into a day to day lifestyle.  Would I ever want to live this extreme?  I do not think  it would be sustainable but yet I know people who do this as a lifestyle choice.  Do I never want to drink again – no – but do I do moderation well – lets be honest we all know the answer to that question.  I also wonder why I drink and as much as I do.  I actually do feel better when I don’t drink – not the short term but the long term.  The short term of buzzed and chilling out and eating feels great but then the next morning I do not feel well and I hate the way I look in the mirror and I cannot wear any of my clothes – those things feel worse than just bad.  Headaches, stomach aches, tired, emotional, fat…is that really better than the fun of drinking.  I have started thinking again of things I want to do rather than just being so overwhelmed by everything and alcohol consuming my time and energy.

Lots to think about.  I want a plan – but more than that I want to do it – not just have a plan but a real execution and success.   I have some ideas about some of the goals I want to get done this coming up year.  I think I might try to use FutureMe as a check in on myself. 

There needs to be more than just exercise too so I do not feel like it is all work and no play.  I need a vacation and other ways to relax.  I would love to go scuba diving once I am swimming well.  I think I want to try the guitar again to be able to play music is always something I have wanted.  Keep writing is important and maybe branching out more.  I miss poetry and art and wish I was attending more things that inspired and moved me.  I want to go snowmobiling.  I want to sky dive.   I want go back to Yellowstone or somewhere in the gorgeous west.  I would like to explore more towns – Montreal, Toronto, New York City.  There is so much to do and I have become stale and sinking into a world that is not motivating or sustainable. 

I guess I want to live and experience and do.