Two days

two days is all I was able to hold it together before I lost my motivation.  A snow storm, my period, my guy traveling are all good excuses to blame but none of them are really the reason.  I make choices to forget my goals, walk away from my blog and eat and drink a few more pounds on to my body.  The only upside is I paid more attention to it this time and am trying to get back on track to some degree rather than another two week spiral.  It is amazing how easy it is to walk away and make all the wrong choices and how much logic I use to make it ok.

There was a morning this week that I was in the house and it was completely silent.  Every one else was gone and for a little bit I was alone and it felt like a chance to take a deep breath.  I had not been alone and in the house in quiet awhile and with everything that happened last weekend it felt like some needed mental space.  The problem with swallowing all your emotions and staying completely calm is that the emotion is not actually gone it is just deep inside raging with no way to escape.  I know exercise would have been a better way to deal with it all but even just having that hour was restoring. This week I have been overwhelmed with all the emotion at work and at home.  It reminded me of when I used to try to develop a meditation practice and those weekends at Kripalu. It was another way I used to deal with all the emotional wasteland in my life.