Growl!

We all have these moods and they hit us and we just have to actively fight letting them take over your day.  I am mad at myself for my completely lame behavior and the decisions I have been making.  I am consistently not taking care of the things I need to and it makes me so frustrated.  It is everything from gutters on the side of the house to keeping with my exercise program.  I just let all the things I should and sometimes even want to do disappear into the ether and sometimes I even manage to pretend that I do not remember that I wanted to do it in the first place.  How have I become the person so devoid of responsibility and commitment?  There was a time where I was the complete opposite and that side of me seems to have gone on vacation and does not seem to even be checking in to see if I am OK.

I am seriously irritated, but do not think that has motivated me in to action, it has in fact, it has been a whirlpool of depression and irritation.  I know this whole blog is about my personal struggle with this frustration and disappointment.   Do other people struggle with this?  I see my friends that have made the commitment the other way and I am jealous of what they do, how they look and how committed they are to their goals.  The other day I imagined that I was just this huge woman because I never got a handle on this and it seemed inevitable.  Who knows maybe anger will inspire me to something? Ha - I think we all know better if you read this blog at all.

Another bitch - because I am in this mood.  I hate taking medicine every day.  Thyroid medicine sucks really because if I do not take it...it does impact me.  I get sluggish and forgetful.  Things get harder.  I hate that I have to take birth control just so I do not bleed to death.  I know it is hard on me because every time I take it or do not - it feels horrible.  I do not like that if I do not take these pills every single day my well being is impacted.  For the record - it sucks.  Have you ever had a night sweat?  Do you know what it is to feel soaked in sweat, be cold and just want to crawl out of your own skin?  I have to cling to the sheet and blankets to be warm and yet I am soaked and cold and I hate it.  I have night sweats when I do not take my pills when I start my period and random other times and I absolutely hate it.  Welcome pre-menopause symptoms earlier than I should but no surprise given my thyroid issues.  I do not want my health and well being riding on a medicine.  The irony is that exercising and eating well makes me feel better and is recommended to manage through many of my health problems.

Alright enough bitching and whining about all this.  I have to recommit and let go of the past two weeks of hellish choices and take today and tomorrow as a new day.  A song to hopefully inspire me out of this growly mood.