Stop screaming at me!!

I have a race tonight and the nerves are already starting.  It is only a 5 miler and yet I know it will be tough for me.   I have serious performance anxiety on top of knowing I am in horrible shape right now.  I feel like everyone is faster and better and some how my slowness actually bothers them.  I feel like apologizing to the race volunteers as I am one of the last to pass them by.

All this anxiety about how other people feel about my running makes me struggle to enjoy running even more.  My guy tells me to not worry what others think and to get out of the mental battle and just enjoy the run.  How do I do that?  The hardest part about running for me is staying out of my head.  It is one of the reasons I listen to music to try to ignore the mental screaming about how I suck, how I can't do this, how embarrassing it is, how I should not be out with these "real" runners.  Man - it makes me tired just thinking about it.

Maybe tonight I will try changing the habit and just ignore that crappy side of me that keeps yelling at me all the time.  Is it possible to suck and still enjoy it?  How is suck defined - by me? by others?  Is trying really and being slow better than not being there at all?