Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The beatings will continue until morale improves.....

So I should be happy with myself because I went out running for the first time in ages, so you think I would be all YEAH I am doing good.  But no, that is not how I feel.  I am pissed off and depressed and have started the mental beatings that tear me up one-side and down the other.  On another note - I am not sure where that saying comes from but ...it works.  I am slower now than I was when I started in the spring.  I ignore the fact that I was in my vibrams (that hurt my feet and i will talk about later) and I had not run in forever...but that is really no excuse, not to my self-critic and really I still just sucked.

I was so close to kicking my goal's ass in the spring.  For the love of (insert deity here) why oh why do I start to succeed and then just let it all go.  I have decided using the internets to diagnose me that I have a fear of success.  Every time I build up steam and start to make a real change in my life, I suddenly forget all my goals and just go crazy.  I am not making this up, even Psychology Today talks about it in this article.  Honestly I hate this stuff (yeah I know I was a psych major) because I want just get over it.  Trust me there are tons of articles in the web to help you releasing your blockages.  Life is too frigging short to get in your own way...please!  Still it is hard to ignore the pattern of goal setting, some success and then turn into the guy from Memento that has no idea I had a goal or exercise program.  What wine and feasting is not in the plan?  What plan?

So here I am...day 2.  I ate a little better, I did a little exercise, I diagnosed myself...now onto my math problem of my contest with my friends.  If Friend A has 4 goals and Friend B has 6 goals, how do you stack rank the results in a fair manner to see who did a better job meeting their goals?  Seriously anyone has an answer I would love to know!

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