Anyone seen my inner athlete?

unraveling at day 3 not a good sign.  What do I want to do tonight...  have a nice big glass of wine, put my feet up veg on some TV and work ...like I always used to.  Tonight I actually got pissed that I had to go "Work"-Out.  You know they call it that for a reason - because it is work and it does suck.   A stressful day, tired, full of angst - sorry folks running or exercise just does not sound like a good time to me.  In fact, it sounds like more friggin work that I absolutely do not want to do.

I had a "run" which was small and pathetic and I didn't even run the whole thing because the war games in my mind about being tired and angry were stronger than my will to beat on my body.  I know this awesome woman she has a blog called Ramblings of a Regular Jane in Training.  Now I love this lady because she is amazing but if she is a regular jane, my ass is grass.    She has 2 kids, full time job and a dog and exercises all the time literally morning and evening most weekends getting up at ridiculous hours to get all of it down.  Of coarse she is in amazing shape and does fabulous in her Tri's, but Regular - no way.  

I am regular jane - someone who struggles to want to exercise and can't always win the mind games to motivate myself.  My Guy is one of "them" - decides he is going to do it and just does it.  I am somewhere in the middle - swearing and bullshit and doing a crappy job but not on the couch.  Some days I just want to surrender and say fuck it...but for some sadomasochistic reason I keep trying.  I may not have motivation but I have this dogged persistence to just be irritated enough.

I should run in the morning so I have the night off to relax, but I only need to refer you to this morning posts to conjure in your mind some of the intense whining I would do having to get up at 5:00 to "work" out.  I think it is my only hope so I get through this work all day work all night anger, but I bet I am a world of fun in the morning.