thoughts before the weekend

Storytelling class last night was really interesting as it was great to see everyone's progress in telling their stories.  At first this was a class that each person did not look like they could put a real story together and then last night the tidbits of story we all shared left you wanting more.  The quietest man of the group was shaking as he shared by far the most powerful story. He had started the night saying how uncertain he was about what he had put together and wandered through words trying to explain molecules of his being.  I told my story and although I started out with confidence, when I heard the other stories, I was left thinking my story was a bit blank and devoid of anything really interesting.  We have all gone through it during this class and if nothing else it has been almost reassuring that this is such a common struggle.  I was careful with this first story to not divulge too much to not expose the crazy world that I grew up in and I think I feel the echoes of that sterility.  I should not be stunned - but I am  - at my lack of ability to believe my story is worth the 2-3 minutes that I am spending telling it.  I wanted stand up and perform my story at a story jam but my as my confidence erodes so does my resolve.  Perhaps I need a better story...god knows I have a few, but would any of them ever be interesting?

I have enjoyed the mental activity of this class I am still aware I need to get back on the exercise wagon.  I have started "planning" all my activities and events from half marathons to triathlons again.  The idea is that if we plan enough activities that we will force ourselves to exercise - it only has worked marginally so far.  I love the planning part and finding and picking races - it is just the rest of it that is lousy.  :)  I have also thought about it  and reached out to get a coach on board.  As a friend of mine said, it is good way to get your ass out there until it becomes a habit.  It is really interesting to me that it takes a random stranger that you pay money to do something that you have total control over and could do for free.  The problem is sticking to it and not letting yourself "off the hook" for some random excuse.  I am dreading planning a new training plan for the 800th time - planning the activities is more fun - but it must be done.  I want to have a commitment on my plan by the end of the weekend and ready to start on Monday.   God help me I mean it this time.  The weather is warmer and I am fatter.  It is WAY past time.

This weekend should be a little crazy with the Shambhala class.  I have no idea what to expect and I was going to try to read some Pema Chodron before the class to reacquaint myself but I read a great post-apocalyptic book Earth Abides instead - it was funner. It has been years since I delved into this side of the spiritual world and I have trepidation if I have become too skeptical in my older years.   It will be a full weekend (8:30 - 6:00 Sat and 8:30 - 1:00 Sun) so I may not get back to this in a few days.   I cannot find on the intrawebs anyone blogging about this class even though it is offered world wide.  Crazy.  Maybe I will be the first one!  Have a great weekend!