step by step

Another day is going by where some of my choices were good and some were not very good.  Ice cream last night and not exercising at all yesterday were bad choices.  No alcohol and constrained eating were good choices.   I am trying to notice when I make good and bad choices and what is driving the motivation with my decisions.   I am still struggling with my Mind Alchemy course.  I made it up to day 4 but then realized they wanted me to make a personal mission statement looking at my outcomes from day 2.  I never really got very far with my outcomes as I had two that were the standard lose weight and exercise and the other two were flim flam at best.  A vision statement is supposed to represent how you will feel when you reach your outcomes and given my outcomes are weak – it is not surprising that my vision statement would be something like:  I will wake up every day committed to being a better me.  I will feel energized, empowered and proud of the success and I am making toward creating a meaningful life.  Actually that isn’t too bad.  I wonder if that counts.  The bigger question is how I go from thinking about those outcomes and vision statement to making them happen?  Maybe that is day 5.  

This slow approach is interesting as it is very different than my radical change approach.  I cannot decide if I am being smart and trying to become different through noticing or if I am just delaying the real work behind the change.  Other than noticing my choices – my clothes still do not fit and they are getting worse.  I am signed up for a run in 2 weeks that I have not taken a single step towards.   I want to just force myself to run it but it is almost a crime against those who really train.  It will kill me too but don’t I deserve to feel pain for screwing around and not getting my feet on the road and putting the miles in?  I should give it to a friend of mine and let her run as she deserves to be on the course, more than I do.  

So feeling a bit down on myself, tired and not sure I will ever get back on track.  I think I will go read Day 5 of the Mind Alchemy and then go to bed.  I will NOT listen to the begging of the ice cream to be eaten.