I have had the craziest dreams lately - so much so that I might need to have another dream journal by my bed to capture what is going on. Maybe 5-10 years ago (sorry that is how time is lumped for me these days) I was having really intense dreams that felt as complex as a novel or movie so I started to investigate a Shaman dream interpretation session at
Kripalu. I wish I had taken the class looking back on it now, but I knew it was a ridiculous way to spend my money so I learned about the dream journal practice and went with that instead. The dream journal helped me remember what I was specifically dreaming about each night. It was better than just waking up with either a feeling of dread from a bad dream or more common that I had lived another life while I was sleeping which can be exhausting. There was never anything overly insightful about the actual dreams but eventually they subsided. Until recently.
This morning I cannot remember what the dreams were (there were several during the night) other than they were complex, a lot of people and a "story line", one was specifically upsetting and the others were just very busy. I am not sure why I can go years without this type of dreaming and then suddenly it becomes a nightly alternative universe. This sudden influx of intense dreaming leaves me questioning why now? I have had dreams over the last few years so it was not a complete absence but these dreams have really taken it up a notch. I awaken feeling that things are incomplete, exhausted and a little confused. I have easily had 5 or so nights (not in a row) in the last few weeks that have left me feeling that my night was busier than may day and full of dreams. To understand you would have to imagine you had another life in another world that the same sort of human drama and mundane actions happened but the only time you go there is in your sleep and you can only remember a slice of an edge of that life when you awake.
Overall I am feeling a leaning towards returning to exploring my spirituality. There have been some post on the Daily Challenge
MeYouHealth combined with the
Mind Alchemy exercises that have made me think about it again. Sometimes I do feel like a walking billboard for a mid-life crisis but I will continue. Again around 5-10 years ago, I had been studying Taoism, Buddhism and specifically
Shambhala meditation. I read
Pema Chodron's books and went to a workshop she gave at
Omega center. My recollection is really enjoying the teachings and the practice but it was the practice that I never really adopted. There was also a quick dive into
Yung as well but even though in many ways it settled well with me there was something I just could not get my mind around and it was not easily accessible.
I have another phenomena (similar to hobbies) with any type of ideology or "practice" that I start to pick at the reality and humanity reducing it down to almost nothing of real value. It is not uncommon for me to see a seminar that sounds interesting - then I pull out the internet and read the pro and con's of the individuals and the thoughts behind the practice and I start to feel it is not worth the value and sometimes a scam or a ridiculous attempt at dealing with the world. I have stopped looking for these type of events as I found it to be more disappointing how many "self-help" and "new-age" alternatives to dealing with life there were out there. As open minded as I am about alternative life styles I am destructive to my own ability to believe or explore anything. For me, the broken down truth and logic of these ideologies makes it an obvious waste of time and is not worthy of the effort. It is kind of funny to put Buddhism in the "new-age" category but the western adoption of the practice in my mind qualifies it.
My parents taught me to be economical with my life - time, money, spirituality and emotion. As I have been going through Day 5 of the Mind Alchemy (which is a big day) and the focus of that day is to look at the aspects of your life (money, family, career, health, spirituality, personal development, outcomes) and identify the values, the outcomes and the vision statements for each one of those aspects. It has required a certain analysis of areas of my life that I generally do not spend time thinking about. Who knows maybe all this thinking is stirring up the ghost life in my dreams to assimilate these new (some old) thoughts?
Dreams
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow
-- Langston Hughes
This morning I cannot remember what the dreams were (there were several during the night) other than they were complex, a lot of people and a "story line", one was specifically upsetting and the others were just very busy. I am not sure why I can go years without this type of dreaming and then suddenly it becomes a nightly alternative universe. This sudden influx of intense dreaming leaves me questioning why now? I have had dreams over the last few years so it was not a complete absence but these dreams have really taken it up a notch. I awaken feeling that things are incomplete, exhausted and a little confused. I have easily had 5 or so nights (not in a row) in the last few weeks that have left me feeling that my night was busier than may day and full of dreams. To understand you would have to imagine you had another life in another world that the same sort of human drama and mundane actions happened but the only time you go there is in your sleep and you can only remember a slice of an edge of that life when you awake.
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