My oldest son when he was going through high school was impossible to deal with and on a weekly basis I found myself frustrated and exacerbated with him. We had never had an antagonistic relationship before high school, in fact, I had always felt we had fun as a family together. He went off to college a few years ago and eventually returned home to go to school closer by and now lives with me once again. I realized this week that I am incredibly fortunate to have had this time again with him.
I have to fortune to have a real relationship with my son. He shows thing to me about myself that I would never have seen otherwise and I am just overwhelmed with the joy of seeing him growing up to be such a competent, capable, thoughtful, thinking man. We hardly see each other - a moment her and there - but we manage to laugh, share, and get to know each other as humans. A true blessing.
As I look at my youngest who is in high school, I miss seeing the goofy child he used to show me. I bet others get to see that side of him now, but as his parent I am denied getting to know the adult he is becoming. He has a different personality and I am not sure I will ever get the chance I have had with my oldest, but I hope some how we find our way back.
The most magical thing I have done is scan all my pictures of the boys, my life, all our experiences and have them as a screen saver on my TV. Flashing our lives by as we live today. I look up and get a glimpse of them at all ages with smiles on their faces. A reminder of a some glorious times.
I am lucky, proud and full of love to have my children in my life. Don't get me wrong, it has not been perfect and there have been years where I have longed to be a real part of their life. However, lately with help of my oldest, I have hope that it does in fact swing back around.
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