the struggle continues

I could write about the challenges I have been fighting.  They are the same old fights of now desires, laziness and avoidance rather than standing tall and making the more difficult choices that in the end result in a happier me.  I have walked away from the habits I was trying to build that would drive me towards that person and sank into the routine that for years have caused self-loathing, physical discomfort and a disappointment that settles in the core of my being.   It has been a difficult few weeks and I have done nothing  but slip down the path of indulgence and avoidance.  The good news is today is a new day.  I have a new coach, a new plan, and once again I will attempt to construct a world that allows me to feel relief from the self-flagellation that is my default nature.

So that aside, I wanted to write about running as yesterday - even in the throes of despair of my bad performance - I was able to appreciate the changes of our society towards running and exercise in general.  When I first started running there were people that said they ran slow and when probed further it was an 8-9 minute pace and as someone at a 12-13 minute pace I often was the last person of the race.  Yesterday at the 10K there were several people there that knew they would run a 12-13 even slower pace and seemed unembarrassed about it.  Even more remarkable was their plans for a bike ride or warrior dash after the run.   Races and events - at least in my head - were always for "real athletes" and if you were not skinny, healthy and a true competitor - you did not belong there.  

There is a revolution happening and some of the non athletes are braving the way to being last and not caring.  They are taking advantage and enjoying the opportunities of the races and activities at one time felt like an exclusive club.  I have seen people in wheelchairs, people overweight, all shapes and sizes struggling to get to that finish line and know they faced that challenge and won - regardless of  how many in front and how many behind.  Maybe it has always been true but there seems more acceptance to it not being just about being the winner or the most fit, but whatever you can put into it.  Unfortunately my brain has yet to figure out how to enjoy being there regardless of performance - but there is some real inspiration out there.  They are the last few coming in when they are breaking down the water stations and the race barriers, they are either right in front of the truck at the end of the race or if you look carefully there are even some behind it.