I am not sure why I have nothing to say, maybe it is that I am just trying to focus on the day to day and everything else just does not have room to thrive.  I am not sure what it is but I am seem to be unable to come up with any topic that is worthy of writing down and capturing.

I have a stream of thoughts - fear about the triathlon and failure and then at the same time encouragement about this is my first triathlon and I just have to try to do as good as I can and get better.  My first race I was last and now I am not last.   Such feelings of inadequacy when I see other people, and yet I know overall my life is doing quite well.  I am trying to take more financial management - first time really in a long time - and keep myself out of debt.  I hate some of the choices I have to make because of it but prefer it to the debt I managed to get myself into.  I am struggling with my diet and choices of foods, my desire to drink when it causes my stomach such turmoil.  I am trying to stick with my meditation and exploration into Shambhala ....all the while my work is gearing up to demand more and more.

The year of no fear is really going well.  I am riding bikes, swimming in lakes, rode my motorcycle to work, and have a real chance at some of my goals.  Yet somewhere there is an emptiness, a numbness to it all...what does it really mean?  What is really the point?  What I am hoping to accomplish?    If this moment and the next are all I have - am I spending them the right way.  Do my goals matter?  Sometimes it would be easier I think to support a doctrine that answers all the questions for you and have faith guide you through.  The free falling through life can be a bit overwhelming at times.