Past Trauma re-enacted

What I hear is I love you but I cannot be with you.
What I believe is that you are going to enjoy your life and figure out how I fit in, if I do.
What I feel is rejection at the deepest level of me.
Trying to stay present to the experience and emotion
Am I clinging to love or avoiding the fear of being alone?
Are we learning anything or am i just being destroyed on bit at a time?
Should I let go because of the pain?
Should I hang on because of the love?

i want to let go.
i want to run away
i want to be with you